The biggest thing I don't understand is me. I can describe the facts of my life in an "about me" section of a profile on myspace or facebook, but I can never explain me. The question that crosses my mind from time to time is "who am I?" I can ponder this question for hours and never get a good enough answer that I'm looking for. So far, I know that I am introverted and passive-aggressive, but unfortunately that's just about all I know about me. Oh gosh... I don't even know how to end this blog because there is no conclusion until I figure myself out.   

For the first time in my life I was a college student with a 4.0 GPA. I was never academically successful in high school and I thought that getting a 4.0 GPA was far beyond my reach. For the most part I was a quiet and reserved individual. I had only one friend, Marian, in which I considered family since I had known her since the third grade. A few years past and we both went our seperate ways. Unfortunately, my academic success did not last for long. I started to struggle and I slowly started to quit. I met new friends in which I hung out with them on a daily basis. It was not until then when school went to the bottom of my priority list. I was failing my parent's wishes big time because I started to experiment with both drugs and alcohol. My parent's started to notice that my motivation to continue my education was not on my list of things to do. They started to get on my case about how I was always out too much with my friends and how I needed to be studying more. It was too the point where I just wanted to get away and I did. About three years ago, I joined the US Army not to serve my country, but to run away from my problems. A new life and a new beginning felt like paradise. I thought that I had become my own individual and that I was free from people telling me what to do with my life. Unfortunately, that was the wrong answer. Apparently, I sold my freedom once I signed that contract. The freedom to express yourself was no longer an option. As a soldier, I was to follow orders without question. Your freedom of speech was limited because one question or one opinion was seen as a sign of disrespect to those above you. In most cases of disrespect, a negative counseling was given to you and a one to two page essay about military bearing was assigned. Even if you are doing the right thing your NCO (supervisor) may have the perception of you doing something wrong. One tear drop is a sign of weakness as well a sign of disrespect. A soldier is only suppose to cry for their fallen comrades. A soldier is not suppose to cry in situations in which they feel bad about something that they did or something that someone else did to them. For the most part they are to become emotionless like robots. Counting the years, months, and days until I am free from my duties as a soldier makes me feel like I am in prison. One year and four months seems so close yet so far away.